Missing You

I see you,
In front of me,
And i imagine how i see you,
Inside my little heart.

I used to make up stories,
To make u a reason,
That makes me hate you so much,
I thought it makes me feel better,
I thought wrong...

I do my everyday thing,
Brave as always,
Oh do i look so strong?
And even seems like i dont care?

You walk pass by,
And that charm of yours lingers,
I cannot breathe easy,
But as always im good in pretending.
Does anyone ever finds out about me?
Does anyone ever feel this?
Can u sense it somehow,
Can u read me?

I've been trough many things that make me cry,
I've been through a lot,
I've been heartbroken now and then,
But the hardest thing of all,

Is knowing the fact that you have no idea at all,
That i am missing you.
Yesterday, today and tomorrow,
And i hate it, yes i hate it so much,
Cuz i cant even let you know...

ps: Dedicated to my friend, Amy. She said she's missing sumone but she cant let him know. And suddenly i gave birth to this poem as a gift to her. hope she's doing ok...

Sickly

Oh, just wana 'manja-manja' wif all of you who are reading. im sick. That monthly kind of sick. This time its so bad i just lie down and sleep most of the time. I think my face looks bloated.

Tomorrow gonna be better.

Dealing with My Own Weakness

Few days ago my boyfriend pointed out a certain weakness of mine that irritates and annoys him. And i said i will try to change it to make things better for both of us. He said im too emotional and tends to complain about petty things. As i cannot see his other good qualities.
Its true. But him saying ive been ignoring the better sides of him.. hell no. Of course i appreciate every single thing that comes from him. He is almost perfect. Duh, if only he ever reads my blog. But i bet certain men just dont read blogs.
Baby said he cant really sure that i will actually change because this thing happens so many times before. Deep inside i admit its true. But i make a vow anyway, to improve myself slowly. I love him and i simply cant afford to upset him.
I know this weakness of mine is just a part of me that is not easy to let go. Its like a virus in your pc, one day u thought it is gone, and another day it just pops out without any clear warning. Either you deal with it again and again, or u get another pc.
Well, relationships are of course more complicated and like me, its such a messy emotional journeys. Boys, you just cant avoid being involved in this whiny, hormonal, complicated creature. Or else you might as well being in love with the same sex.

Lazy

Today is Monday, but really it felt like Sunday. It literally a good thing..more rest, more lepak2 dekat rumah. But felt like im feeling TOO lazy lately and i eat a lot!!!!!! Muka dah gemok, bulat mcm bola, but what the hell, hari2 masak sedap aje, especially today, masak ayam goreng sambal, i ate too much, rasa mcm perut dah expand sampai 2 kali ganda, and badan dah naik 2 kilo.

When there is no problem at all, especially no programming error to solve, then little little things pun aku nak fikir je skrg, just so my brain will keep working or else,and i wont fall to sleep all the time (like i did dis afternoon, and the afternoon before)

Then i keep thinking about my precious boyfriend yg juga tgh bermalas malasan di rumah, he cudnt go out sbb rumah under renovation n dia kena monitor mamat2 bangla/indon, or else boleh aku ajak teman pg minum ke, mkn abc ke...And whoosh i miss him so much rasa tension sgt. Then aku rasa nak kawin je cepat2, kalau boleh besok aku nak kawin, so aku takyah la tepisah dgn dia lagi n hari2 boleh dgr dia buat lawak spastik kat aku lepas tu aku boleh gelak2 sampai aku tak perasan gelak aku sebijik mcm hyena pondan.

Then tiba2 aku rasa bersyukur sgt sbb 5 tahun dah kenal budak arab ni, rasa cinta tu tak kurang2, of course la time gaduh rasa mcm bengang je, tapi bengang tu skjp je, bila dah ok balik, bukan main bahagia lagi. jodoh kot?

But hari ni dia pulak bengang ngan aku sbb each time dia call, aku occupied n takleh nak layan dia. Eleh mcm la selalu aku buat2 busy kan..

Hari ni nak tido awal lah...before that nak baca buku Stephen King. And tomorrow nak jumpa dia nak lepas rindu sikit lepas tu nak bg peluang dia buli aku. Im sure he misses me too.

*calling him*

Beef Steak!

Yeay today was brilliant as i have gained yet another knowledge about cooking using my own method.heh heh heh. BEEF STEAK!
I bought the meat from the market, and i chose the tender part of the meat, called 'batang pinang'. I never knew it is quite expensive, compared to the normal part of the meat. Usually its 18 ringgit per kg, but for batang pinang, it is 24 ringgit per kg. And abang daging tried to make a joke, saying, "memandangkan akak ni cute, kite bagi diskaun lah, jadi 23 ringgit je." Eleh...
So to home i went, cutting the meat into thin slices, clean em up and yeah, i really didnt know what to put to marinate the beef, so as usual, i create my own ingredients. garlic, lada hitam ditumbuk halus, some chili powder, some curry powder,some pepper, mixed herbs and oyster sauce. Put butter on the pan, and there u go!!! SEDAP pulak!
I cant eat the steak alone, and there is no salad in the fridge, so i cooked some rice, and made some tomato gravy with cauliflower and fried potato. SEDAP pulak!
Everybody said it was a delicious steak, and i eat a lot sampai pening2 kepala. NYUM NYUM!

Mode: bangga.

Stupid Girls

Girls who put themselves in an imaginary pedestal, act like a queen, and chasing for rich guys and end up feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. They thinks regular guys are just regular, and cant put up with their exclusive successful lives.

Girls who think their dream guys must be richer than them. And in their minds, richer guys means more sophisticated, more mature, more classy, more trendy, more romantic. (Love? Its hard to find when they just focus about those stupid wealth)

Girls who dream to live in big houses, having a big car, and living a high class life, and they want to get them from rich guys only. These girls are just plain lazy I might say.

Girls who are only after good looking guys. Lame and how immature.

Girls who thinks nice guys are boring as if they are too interesting themselves.

Girls who assume more money, means more happiness. Of course they can buy so many things that can make them smile all the way, but when they go to sleep, then the real feelings resurfacing and the heart takes over. And all they wanna have is that pure happiness that money isn’t really the source anymore.

Oh girls. You make love seems just like a cliché.

Worry Mode

Me, Jaja has a lot to think about for the time being. Readers, bear with me. Support me. Love me. Anything at all, to show me that i am not alone. And tell me that it is not weird, to fall into worry mode sometimes. After all, living is easy, but hard enough to feel suffocated if you put the details about living itself.

And...in a few days, i will forget about it and move on with my life with a jovial spirit.

Oh please.

Selamat Pengantin Baru Dila n Nuar!

It has been a lovely weekend! Sabtu aku pegi majlis pertunangan and pernikahan dila n nuar dekat umah dila... sampai pukul 10 pagi, jumpa dila, dia dah ready nak ditunangkan. hehe.. sempat menjenguk bilik pengantin. okay, the best bilik pengantin i had ever seen. terbaik!! saiz super king tu!! So far i just have to give the biggest compliment to dila's family..for organizing such an organized ceremony. everything was very punctual, calm and relaxed. Aku suka sangat dapat saksikan dila bertunang, n 1 jam lepas tu, dinikahkan pulak. akad nikah depan mata aku siot. hehehe.. congrats nuar, sekali lafaz je, n dila kat pelamin tersenyum lega.
The next day aku pegi reception kat dewan perdana felda. wow!!! romantik, mewah dan sempurna! All the settings takde cacat cela, semuanya nampak happening, right from ketibaan pengantin, makan, potong kek, tarian, montaj and cabutan bertuah, semuanya well organized and lovely. Ni lah wedding paling grand and romantik aku penah pegi k.. dila n nuar nampak happy n puas hati, n baju pengantin yg dila pakai, memang first class.. aku tau kau mmg fashionista dila! muah!
Again, tahniah dila n nuar, aku tau korang dah hadapi byk dugaan n cabaran bersama, and now u see how they all worth it!! enjoy ur married life!!


ps: gbr aku dgn pengantin takde, sbb belum amik dari fai... hehe..

Little Ghost Story

Right now, as i stare at the monitor of my laptop, i can see two little hand prints on it. Yep.You cant see it when the laptop is switched on. Switch it off, let the monitor go black and there they are.

No my friends, they are not from my little niece, PT. She's not here, and the prints appeared 2 days ago.

Now i have a question: How to capture that hand prints so i can show it to you people, so u guys wont think that i am just asking for attention here. heh heh heh, yep, i have read your minds..

ps: check out the photo i posted in facebook before, those with the little hands under my bro's round table. yes, u r right, exactly the same size.

I am not freaked out. I am just curious. Gonna google this thing up.

My Guitar Player

Today was rather a usual day, a beautiful day (always, since i am NOT working. OMG i loved being unemployed).

After subuh i didnt go back to sleep, waiting until 7.30 then me and my parents headed to subang airport, they were going to Penang, dad got a conference or whatever. Then, back to shah alam, i went straight back home, checked out my brother n sister if they were still alive (duh). They were. My sweetheart called, inviting me over to his house for breakfast. Well, mum asked me to babysit my brother, make sure he eats, reads and bla bla bla, but i saw him doing fine without me, so off to baim's house. hehe.
Had roti canai wif baim n mamat at his home, then hangout wif him for a while. Baim took his guitar and started playing in front of me. He played sweet songs, including the song he first played to me like 4 years ago. it was touching. really. i stared at his fingers while he played, then his eyes, then back to his fingers again, it was amazing how gifted he is, how sweet! we looked at each others eyes and we smiled, and smiled and smiled and i am definitely fall crazily in love with him again today.

And i am now declare: Men who can play guitar is considered SEXY. A b s o l u t e l y !

Ok now you can kill me for being so damn cheesy, but what the heck, its my blog and he's my man. =)